The goal had ended my penalty early and I rushed out to console my team the best I could. I went over to the team captain, Bobby.
“Sorry guys, that one is on me. I didn’t know I couldn’t do that.”
“Well know you do know, and don’t fucking do it again.”
“Bobby, you can’t talk like that. You’re going to be father soon.”
Bobby dropped his stick and his usual long, clumsy strides finally had some sense of purpose to them as he headed over towards me. I quickly made my way behind our fill-in goalie for the night, Kai, and used him as a human shield from Bobby. Considering his performance tonight, I should have expected him to fail to block Bobby’s swing as his fist connected with my chest, right on our stupid logo.
“I’m not the father. Stop spreading that fucking rumor and start playing some defense.”
I decided to not remind Bobby that his name was in fact on the birth certificate of his bastard son and made my way over to my fellow defensemen. Cory had been my best friend since the second grade and was responsible for introducing me to most of my hobbies in life, and hockey was not an exception. He stood on the blue line as the puck was about to be dropped and quickly fixed his dyed blonde hair away from his eyes and the sweat that it contained flew off to the side.
“How many blocks are you on now?”
The face-off went to the Dragons.
“I wanna say…17. Good luck catching me now.”
Taking out all the quotation marks:
The goal had ended my penalty early and I rushed out to console my team the best I could. I went over to the team captain, Bobby.
Sorry guys, that one is on me. I didn’t know I couldn’t do that.
Well know you do know, and don’t fucking do it again.
Bobby, you can’t talk like that. You’re going to be father soon.
Bobby dropped his stick and his usual long, clumsy strides finally had some sense of purpose to them as he headed over towards me. I quickly made my way behind our fill-in goalie for the night, Kai, and used him as a human shield from Bobby. Considering his performance tonight, I should have expected him to fail to block Bobby’s swing as his fist connected with my chest, right on our stupid logo.
I’m not the father. Stop spreading that fucking rumor and start playing some defense.
I decided to not remind Bobby that his name was in fact on the birth certificate of his bastard son and made my way over to my fellow defensemen. Cory had been my best friend since the second grade and was responsible for introducing me to most of my hobbies in life, and hockey was not an exception. He stood on the blue line as the puck was about to be dropped and quickly fixed his dyed blonde hair away from his eyes and the sweat that it contained flew off to the side.
How many blocks are you on now?
The face-off went to the Dragons.
I wanna say…17. Good luck catching me now.
I tried taking out the quotation marks since I had read The Road by Cormac McCarthy and enjoyed this unique writing style. While this type of dialogue works great for his books, I think it fails completely with my paper. I tried to use this technique on the most dialogue-dense section of my paper. The lack of quotation marks gives a high degree of importance to everyword that is said, but for my hopefully humorous paper the styles completely clash. For me, the lack of quotation marks cause me to read each line of dialogue more for what is being said rather than how it is being said. For comedy, delivery is a key element so this is why I feel these two styles do not work at all. My perceptions on how this technique add to a story may be skewed though because I only have seen it once it a book that was very somber.
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